Courage in Action:
a blog of Empowered Life Counseling LLC
Blog posts and news about the therapy practice, including mental health education and resources; reflections about authentic living in times of stress and change; and business updates.
Beat the Winter Blues (with support)
Coming soon to Empowered Life Counseling: Beat the Winter Blues with a Self-Compassion Support Group! Support groups foster connection and a focus on coping skills by being member-led and directed. I am currently running a survey for current or prior clients to share their interest and availability for a self-compassion support group. Many folks have shared their loathing for the end of daylight savings time; concerns about the stress of the upcoming holidays; and feelings of general discontent around this time of year. It’s time to support each other with compassion
DBT and Distress Tolerance - the power of distraction
What negative feelings do you struggle to deal with? Guilt, shame, sadness, fear and anger are common responses.
This skills module teaches the ability to cope with uncomfortable emotions. These skills are used when it is difficult or impossible to change a situation. The skills help to cope and survive during a crisis and to tolerate short/long term pain (physical or emotional). The goal of distress tolerance is to distract the mind just long enough to intervene in an emotional response to a stressful situation. Sometimes I tell clients, “The goal is to just not make it worse.”
RAIN of Self-Compassion
Recognize what’s happening. Notice what’s going on inside of you at that moment, including the sensations, emotions and thoughts. Become aware of what stands out or the overall emotional tone
Allow life to be just as it is. Allow what’s happening by just breathing and letting it be. There’s no need to change it or judge. It may be helpful to consider words like “What is… is.” You might notice resistance and can allow it, without judgment.
Investigate with a gentle, curious attention. Now that you’ve allowed yourself to pay attention, investigate what feels most difficult. Ask yourself what the worst part of this is, what is wanting the most of your attention; where you feel your feelings the strongest in your body; what does this part need most right now. Note this isn’t an investigation of your mind or an invitation to analyze; rather, it’s an exploration of your body.
Nurture with loving presence. Notice your natural response to what you sense is most needed, calling upon your own inner-wisdom, and offer it to yourself. Perhaps it is some loving words or an internal embrace to yourself. Tara often will suggest putting your hands over your heart or thinking to yourself, “It’s okay, sweetheart. We’ve all been there.” Notice if there’s a shift or a softening in your body.
Self-Compassion Break
Today we will discuss strategies to build our own self-compassion. This can be done by learning and reading more about self-compassion (see the resources section at the end of this post) and watching videos about research. We can also do formal and informal self-compassion practices to build mindful habits and become comfortable treating ourselves with kindness. Engaging in these exercises familiarizes us with the concept of self-compassion and builds overall awareness and mindfulness in our lives. The more we practice being kind to ourselves, the more we increase the habit of self-compassion.
Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is attending to your own suffering and treating yourself as you would your own friend, or someone who was experiencing a loss. We would be attentive, kind and nurturing in our compassion. Self-Compassion has been researched by Dr. Kristin Neff, who breaks it down into three components: Self-Kindness - We acknowledge our pain and treat ourselves with warmth and understanding, reminding ourselves “I did my best” and “I’ve come back from things like this before.” Common humanity - suffering is universal and we are not the only ones having a hard time or feeling inadequate. It’s normal to feel vulnerable when we’re trying to learn new things. Mindfulness -awareness of the present moment, without judgment, is essential in noticing our emotions and putting them in perspective. Mindfulness allows us to “let it be” , which then allows us to be compassionate for ourselves.
How to Make Decisions You’ll Stick With
Now that you know your decision-making style, let’s think about strategies to improve decision-making in general.
Accept that you can’t have it all.
Decisions force us to close the door on other possibilities, small ones and big ones. You can’t order every delicious dish on the menu. And there will be paths not taken, careers not chosen, experiences not encountered. Would your marriage to your old love have worked out better? Fantasize all you like, but you’ll never really know. So, visit the “what if” scenario if you must, but do not invite it to take up space in your gray matter. Let the past be. Live in the present where what you do today will make a difference.
What’s your decision-making style?
Decision making is tough, mostly because it can involve high-pressure situations and we usually have to use our own judgment to make “the best” choice among several alternatives. Even though we can’t please everyone, we typically put some pressure on ourselves to keep others happy. Think about some decisions you’ve made in the last year.
What were the results?What were your other possible options? Was it a good decision? Would you change your decision? Why?
There’s three types of decisions.
No decision. Letting others decide for you (they get to be the fortune teller).
Snap decision. A quick choice without considering results.
Responsible decision. Considering others and your future when making decisions.
Insurance Updates
Good news! If you would like to use existing insurance coverage to pay for counseling services, I am now paneled with the following insurance providers: Ambetter; Amwell; Anthem/Blue Cross Blue Shield; Cigna; Home State; New Directions EAP; United Healthcare; WellFirst.
What is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)?
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a type of cognitive-behavioral treatment used in counseling to help people who are experiencing strong emotions, self-destructive behaviors, and suicidal thoughts. It was originally developed in the 1980s for the treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder but has since been proven effective in the treatment of depression, anxiety, substance use, trauma and other mental health diagnoses.
Worrying Your Way to Sleep
Worrying your way to sleep? Probably not, because there’s no way to turn off your mind and rest when your mind is racing with worries! From being tired during the day, to wide awake when your head hits the pillow, this cycle can be a “worst nightmare” and contribute to even more stress. We all know sleep is important for our physical health, being alert and functional during the day, and for our overall mental health.
