Courage in Action:
a blog of Empowered Life Counseling LLC
Blog posts and news about the therapy practice, including mental health education and resources; reflections about authentic living in times of stress and change; and business updates.
Beat the Winter Blues (with support)
Coming soon to Empowered Life Counseling: Beat the Winter Blues with a Self-Compassion Support Group! Support groups foster connection and a focus on coping skills by being member-led and directed. I am currently running a survey for current or prior clients to share their interest and availability for a self-compassion support group. Many folks have shared their loathing for the end of daylight savings time; concerns about the stress of the upcoming holidays; and feelings of general discontent around this time of year. It’s time to support each other with compassion
DBT and Distress Tolerance - the power of distraction
What negative feelings do you struggle to deal with? Guilt, shame, sadness, fear and anger are common responses.
This skills module teaches the ability to cope with uncomfortable emotions. These skills are used when it is difficult or impossible to change a situation. The skills help to cope and survive during a crisis and to tolerate short/long term pain (physical or emotional). The goal of distress tolerance is to distract the mind just long enough to intervene in an emotional response to a stressful situation. Sometimes I tell clients, “The goal is to just not make it worse.”
RAIN of Self-Compassion
Recognize what’s happening. Notice what’s going on inside of you at that moment, including the sensations, emotions and thoughts. Become aware of what stands out or the overall emotional tone
Allow life to be just as it is. Allow what’s happening by just breathing and letting it be. There’s no need to change it or judge. It may be helpful to consider words like “What is… is.” You might notice resistance and can allow it, without judgment.
Investigate with a gentle, curious attention. Now that you’ve allowed yourself to pay attention, investigate what feels most difficult. Ask yourself what the worst part of this is, what is wanting the most of your attention; where you feel your feelings the strongest in your body; what does this part need most right now. Note this isn’t an investigation of your mind or an invitation to analyze; rather, it’s an exploration of your body.
Nurture with loving presence. Notice your natural response to what you sense is most needed, calling upon your own inner-wisdom, and offer it to yourself. Perhaps it is some loving words or an internal embrace to yourself. Tara often will suggest putting your hands over your heart or thinking to yourself, “It’s okay, sweetheart. We’ve all been there.” Notice if there’s a shift or a softening in your body.
Self-Compassion Break
Today we will discuss strategies to build our own self-compassion. This can be done by learning and reading more about self-compassion (see the resources section at the end of this post) and watching videos about research. We can also do formal and informal self-compassion practices to build mindful habits and become comfortable treating ourselves with kindness. Engaging in these exercises familiarizes us with the concept of self-compassion and builds overall awareness and mindfulness in our lives. The more we practice being kind to ourselves, the more we increase the habit of self-compassion.
Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is attending to your own suffering and treating yourself as you would your own friend, or someone who was experiencing a loss. We would be attentive, kind and nurturing in our compassion. Self-Compassion has been researched by Dr. Kristin Neff, who breaks it down into three components: Self-Kindness - We acknowledge our pain and treat ourselves with warmth and understanding, reminding ourselves “I did my best” and “I’ve come back from things like this before.” Common humanity - suffering is universal and we are not the only ones having a hard time or feeling inadequate. It’s normal to feel vulnerable when we’re trying to learn new things. Mindfulness -awareness of the present moment, without judgment, is essential in noticing our emotions and putting them in perspective. Mindfulness allows us to “let it be” , which then allows us to be compassionate for ourselves.
What is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)?
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a type of cognitive-behavioral treatment used in counseling to help people who are experiencing strong emotions, self-destructive behaviors, and suicidal thoughts. It was originally developed in the 1980s for the treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder but has since been proven effective in the treatment of depression, anxiety, substance use, trauma and other mental health diagnoses.
Mindfulness Practices
Part 2 of 2: About Mindfulness and Related Practices (read Part 1)
In Part 1, we discussed a real-life example of mindfulness, the definition and why it’s helpful. We also reviewed some of the key characteristics, which are truly living intentionally; noticing our sensations, thoughts and feelings while in the moment; and observing our breath. Now we discuss the true practice of mindfulness. While mindfulness is a natural quality we all have, it takes true intention and practice to cultivate it and have it be a constant in life.
Just be You! Learning to Live Authentically
We put a lot of pressure on ourselves, especially during the holidays. Why not try relaxing some of those expectations and being a bit more authentic? There are some reasons it’s a good thing… it takes a lot less energy to think about and plan how are expected to behave, rather than to just be. It allows for true one-ness with self and can be a nearly spiritual experience. It’s often seen as a sign of psychological growth and accomplishment, what we’re truly looking for.
So how do we do it? Reign-in those people-pleasing tendencies and notice the patterns where they tend to occur. Those are areas you might need to work on some boundaries and assertive communication. Be honest, don’t hide your feelings. We feel happier when we live our truth.
Tips for Conflict Management
A follow-up to the earlier Conflict 101 post, expanding on healthy vs. unhealthy approaches to conflict, as well as reviewing tips for managing conflict. Reviews grounding skills, assertive communication skills and questions to ask yourself to get perspective on the situation. Don’t forget to involve a professional when needed!
“Will you hush about the mindfulness already?!”
Part 1 of 2: About Mindfulness and Related Practices
“Will you hush about the mindfulness already?!” I was laughingly told this the other day, as if one can talk about mindfulness too much! You see, this person had described a time earlier in the week when their brain was swirling with “what-ifs” and they were feeling anxiety, that tightness in their chest and stomach and were all-around stressed. They were focused on the future, thinking about all the things they can’t control and feeling stuck. Nobody likes that feeling, including this person. Then they remembered a visualization exercise they had done a while back, and a discussion we’d had about mindfulness. They remembered that we are not our thoughts; they are just thoughts, not necessarily the truth. They pictured the thoughts running through their head as clouds in the sky, and they stepped back to watch them pass by. They used their five senses to notice what was happening around them and took several deep breaths, feeling more peace as they became grounded in the moment.
